Season One, Episode Seven
Max Wright was no shrinking violet when it came to discussing his patriarchal role on the television series ALF. He harbored great disdain for the tension-filled studio and endless hours that it took to shoot the technically daunting show. When asked about his on-set experience, Wright said that he was "hugely eager to have ALF over with.”
I share his sentiment completely.
Max Wright was no shrinking violet when it came to discussing his patriarchal role on the television series ALF. He harbored great disdain for the tension-filled studio and endless hours that it took to shoot the technically daunting show. When asked about his on-set experience, Wright said that he was "hugely eager to have ALF over with.”
I share his sentiment completely.
Lock up your house cats! ALF has just crash-landed.
ALF's theme song contains a montage of the Tanner family's top-secret alien houseguest irritating and harassing everybody...one by one. He shoves a video camera into the bewildered face of Willie, the dad, as he stumbles in the front door. He barges into the bathroom while Kate, the mom, is half naked. He also manages to interrupt a private phone conversation and disrupt homework time...all in less than a minute.
In my opinion, ALF has just provided the Tanners with more than enough reason to haul his ass out to Area 51 and dump him off indefinitely. But they don't. They're suckers for punishment, I guess.
As the episode officially gets underway, the Tanner clan is in the midst of a heated family meeting to discuss their financial woes. Willie reveals that, like Pam Anderson's boobs, their phone and grocery bills have inflated to epic proportions.
Within moments, ALF barges in and rudely interrupts the discussion. While shoving fistfuls of potato chips into his mouth, he bitterly accuses the entire Tanner family of shutting him out and demands to know the reason why.
By his own admission in this scene, ALF is a nuisance, makes pointless suggestions, interrupts everybody and never lets anyone get a word in edgewise. So yeah…they’re shutting him out. Wouldn’t you?
Duh.
And therein lays the basis for all one hundred and two episodes. The Tanners have to suffer gladly while an obnoxious hairball accosts them and disrupts their otherwise happy lives…all for the sake of comedy. Problem is, by the seventh episode it’s just not funny anymore.
While devouring a second bag of potato chips, ALF admits that the outrageous phone bill is the result of a long-distance call he placed to Germany. As he waxes poetic about why he felt a need to converse auf Deutsch, ALF gobbles down an entire plate of Kate’s freshly baked cookies. He's too busy pigging out to notice that the entire family is giving him the stink-eye.
ALF's theme song contains a montage of the Tanner family's top-secret alien houseguest irritating and harassing everybody...one by one. He shoves a video camera into the bewildered face of Willie, the dad, as he stumbles in the front door. He barges into the bathroom while Kate, the mom, is half naked. He also manages to interrupt a private phone conversation and disrupt homework time...all in less than a minute.
In my opinion, ALF has just provided the Tanners with more than enough reason to haul his ass out to Area 51 and dump him off indefinitely. But they don't. They're suckers for punishment, I guess.
As the episode officially gets underway, the Tanner clan is in the midst of a heated family meeting to discuss their financial woes. Willie reveals that, like Pam Anderson's boobs, their phone and grocery bills have inflated to epic proportions.
Within moments, ALF barges in and rudely interrupts the discussion. While shoving fistfuls of potato chips into his mouth, he bitterly accuses the entire Tanner family of shutting him out and demands to know the reason why.
By his own admission in this scene, ALF is a nuisance, makes pointless suggestions, interrupts everybody and never lets anyone get a word in edgewise. So yeah…they’re shutting him out. Wouldn’t you?
Duh.
And therein lays the basis for all one hundred and two episodes. The Tanners have to suffer gladly while an obnoxious hairball accosts them and disrupts their otherwise happy lives…all for the sake of comedy. Problem is, by the seventh episode it’s just not funny anymore.
While devouring a second bag of potato chips, ALF admits that the outrageous phone bill is the result of a long-distance call he placed to Germany. As he waxes poetic about why he felt a need to converse auf Deutsch, ALF gobbles down an entire plate of Kate’s freshly baked cookies. He's too busy pigging out to notice that the entire family is giving him the stink-eye.
At this point, not even PETA would fault the Tanners for stuffing ALF and mounting him over the fireplace.
Later that night, ALF is in full-on martyr mode. And what’s a lonely martyr to do in the wee hours of the morning? Why, bang on the piano until someone wakes up, of course! Kate emerges from her bedroom, looking as tired and haggard as a preoperative Joan Rivers. ALF whines to Kate that his feelings are hurt because the family thinks he's a freeloader and a parasite...which are qualities that he openly admitted to possessing earlier in the episode, but never mind. And get this: Kate APOLOGIZES to the little varmint.
ALF wants to prove his worth, but doesn't know how. After giving it exactly six seconds of thoughtful consideration, he does what any rational person would do...he decides to go into the beauty supply business! I'm not joking. From hereon out, it’s an unfunny comedy of Mary Kay-style errors.
ALF calls a cosmetics company and charges a thousand dollars worth of beauty products to Willie's credit card:
ALF gives Lynn a failed makeover:
ALF gives Brian a failed makeover:
ALF throws a makeover party for the entire neighborhood and forces Kate and Willie to host it:
It’s a laugh riot, isn’t it?As the episode grinds to an anti-climactic conclusion, the Tanners discover that they've earned just enough cash from cosmetic sales to eliminate the debt that ALF selfishly racked up. I can't help but think, though, that no amount of money will ever be enough to cover the therapy that this family is going to require. Gutting ALF and turning him into throw rug would be a much more cost-effective solution, wouldn't you say?
Watch your back, fuzzy face.
That’s a wrap!
That’s a wrap! 
I actually kind of enjoyed ALF...at least the first season (all I remember).
ReplyDeleteIt's not an abysmal show...it's just that the storylines were impossibly limited. The show got stale pretty quickly. Still, I enjoyed it when I was a kid.
ReplyDeleteAh I fondly remember ALF. Not for most of the show, because on the whole it was *makes tilty hand motion*. But because of one episode, the one where he attempts to cook a chicken.
ReplyDeleteThat one actually made me laugh until I threw up in my mouth a little. Sadly no other episode ever came close.
Going to do any Sledge Hammer?
Might I suggest Woops!
ReplyDeleteIt was a turkey of a show that Fox had in the early 90s. I recall it being one of the worsts shows I have seen.
Is it on DVD? I have a list of shows that I'd love to revisit, but aren't currently available.
ReplyDeleteSmall Wonder, She's the Sheriff, Veronica's Closet, Webster, It's Your Move, Family Matters...the list goes on and on.
So much crappy television, so little time.